Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

He will be

March 4, 2010

I am sure that I’ll meet him some day and I will be lucky. The world’s most fortunate girl.

I do not know Who is he? where is he now? and what is he doing?
But I am sure that there is someone in the world that thinking to me now. I remember an interesting sentence from the Gabriel Garcia Marquez: In the world there  is someone who thinks to you before sleep and dreams about you.
You may be only one person in the world, but for some people you are whole of world. Perhaps God is prefer for you to know many poor people  and then you meet the appropriate person, thus when you found him, you can better grateful.

I am sure that one day he will be my side. اhe overcome my loneliness. I will be happy someday…

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Forget…

February 2, 2010

– If he has been able to forget me, so I can.

+ you see? you still loves him.

– how you said this?

+ cause you still wanna do the same things that he has been done.

(A dialuge in a Persian movie: Nights On by Farzad Mo’tamen)

Too many sorrows

December 12, 2009

There are too many sorrows, as she woke up, she cried so much in her bed.
She has to pretend that no things happened, she has to pretend that she is good but she lied, she fears about her future, she fears about the recent events in her life. She fears about all of bitter events of recent week.
She wish she could talk with someone about her fears, her tears. But she cant trust anybody anymore. She bureid these pains in her heart.
She has so many pains so many wounds, but she can’t tell anybody. In fact nobody exist for secrecy.
She has deteriorative days. And the worst is she is alone both phisically and mentally. Therefore she passed them alone. Nobody protect her. She needs someone who support her mentally:(

Volume

November 28, 2009

I still remember them as well as the day I heard. Each of those sentences. The description about what was once? what was overall size of files? And where and how and why they are restored. And supposed some day I reach them.

This event will never happen. I’ll never see them…

The girl woke early and remembered these memories and tears washed her face.
I will never see the files like never they exits. They were always far from my eyes. I’m afraid even that may have been deleted…

My god… What I done with myself?

Crush

November 22, 2009

She’s lost inside

Or

I should write:

She disintegrated inside…

Illusion

November 10, 2009

Many things were effect less, like my tears.
The girl whispered the above sentence and cried more…

Now she knew the her feelings and thoughts are not important at all. She knew that she isn’t  number one like former. In fact, she was trying for something that does not exist and not exist from beginning.

Girls ponder with herself, how she affected with this much of  illusion?

Flick

November 10, 2009

I told her: you fall into loneliness again, because of constantly availability. You ready for them whenever they call you.
She replied to me: you are alone always, because you stay away from being available. All of them, think they can not reach you.

In face to face discussion with her I didn’t surrender. But in the privacy of myself, I accept what she said. In fact, she ran a good flick into me.

No one Else

November 9, 2009

Song

November 8, 2009

 

Sometimes I prefer to  to escape of thinking to you,

Like passing that song which I like it.

 

Contrary

November 7, 2009

The girl thought  this method is effective. She thought it  is the best way. In fact, the only existing way to maintain the  self-esteem. Answered, but the contrary.

The girl was upset. Because she made herself the enemies that never seen them. The girl was upset. Because her main enemy, was someone who should be her main friend. However, girl has a strange fate. Apparently she always has the hardest way to reach her goals or perhaps there is no reach in this time. God knows.

Depth

November 7, 2009
She saw something and it cause her  to cried very much. While she could start a good day. But not happened. Because she found the depth range.
Understanding of some facts, is always bitter… At least she understood that she shouldn’t  track it anymore. Because the depth is more than what she conjectured. And therefore, her efforts to improve, are  ineffectual & vain.
She desires that if she could talk with someone about it, to become a  little quiet. But talking about it is very hard. And more importantly that the girl isn’t able to do it. I know, like always she Will prefer to cry secretly.

Pain and Cure

November 5, 2009

The girl trying to be stand up. These days, she was very weak… She is trying to smile and forget her pains. Her only way to live was consistency with pains. She knew very well that she can’t  treat these wounds, she knew well that she lost control of the situation. In fact, her life was in crisis!

So little girl practice to live with her pains peacefully. It is important point that the source of pain and cure is same. Although the source of pain, was uninformed from the existence of the pain in the girl’s soul. Or maybe was informed but, prefer to pretend it is not important.

However, knowing this pain did not treat any of girl’s wounds. She was taught that lives alone.

I should stress that nobody really knows her, knowbody knows her pains, nobody knows her wounds. nobody really knows her… nobody really knows her… nobody really knows her.. :((

The last one

November 5, 2009

I Searched again, looked at them, A few minutes ago… The last one belong to the last year the same time. cause of some reasons I am not able to track anymore. I can only see for others and suffering every time it occurs.

What was its significance? The importance of those humility words that should be written? That is apparently intentional.

 

I consider them. A few minutes ago. The last one was short and contains a good definition of me.

Then was disconnected. In fact, everything changed. Of course, I did not blame low.
However, I do not see another after “that war”. I see them elsewhere. It is clear that is my sorrow. But I’m forced to hide it. Or pretend does not matter to me. You know? I don’t like this pain remains permanent.
I want to dream it will be finished soon. I am hopeful . I give myself constantly hope although unrealistic…

 

If here still have a reader, I would say to him/her: If you didn’t understand this text,No problem, because it is censored

Super Girl

November 3, 2009

Everyone saw the beauty, but no one saw the Pain…

***
She was trying to be good. In fact, she is demonstrating that “I’m good”. She do her best job. You should know that she Was able to play the role of good people. she smile, when her heart is smash. She was able to laugh, while she had decay from inside. Yes, everybody known her as a Strong Girl. nobody knows her pains, her tears, her wounds.
Nobody really knows her. nobody knows her… nobody knows her…

The girl trying to not cry. she was trying to stay alive. she was trying to not dead. she was trying to take breath, however, difficult. Although difficult…

You can tell by the way, she walks that she’s my girl
You can tell by the way, she talks that she rules the world.
You can see in her eyes that no one is her chain.
She’s my girl, my supergirl.

And then she’d say, it’s Ok, I got lost on the way
but I’m a supergirl, and supergirls don’t cry.
And then she’d say, it’s alright, I got home late tast night,
but I’m a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.

And then she’d say that nothing can go wrong.
When you’re in love, what can go wrong?
And then she’d laugh the nightime into day
pushing her fear further long.

And then she’d say, it’s Ok, I got lost on the way
but I’m a supergirl, and supergirls don’t cry.
And then she’d say, it’s alright, I got home, late last night
but I’m a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.

And then she’d shout down the line tell me she’s got no more time
’cause she’s a supergirl, and supergirls don’t hide.
And then she’d scream in my face, tell me that leave, leave this place
’cause she’s a supergirl, and supergirls just fly

Yes, she’s a supergirl, a supergirl,
she’s sewing seeds, she’s burning trees
She’s sewing seeds, she’s burning trees,
yes, she’s a supergirl, a supergirl, a supergirl, my supergirl.

Defect

November 2, 2009

A week ago, I had been working for a mission with some colleagues. A new colleague joined us, he is a young boy. He has approximately 30 years old and is very ingenious. He graduated in Master of Encryption from one of the top universities in Iran. But throughout our mission I pathos for him a lot, because he has  stutter and is not able to express his intents well. I think he was very struck embarrassment, because of his deficiency.

I don’t know why I should have pathos from him?! sometimes my feelings are out of my control. these times I become very hank myself!

Reaction

October 14, 2009

Reaction was simple. In fact, I had expected something similar, But the problem is that I do not know how deep is? I’m afraid about thinking of it’s depth . This case had occurred many times before this . I do not understand myself. The problem is that I should not have this much of sensitivity. This is something that is not related to me or my business. But I wish I could control my feelings. I am tired Of non-being in-control. I decide Frequently to not think about it, anymore. Become successful in sometimes, but every time an event, reaction, or something, that leads me to it. I wish I could clear some parts of my memories . For example, I wish I could command to my brain to clear memories of  Date 1 to Date 2.

I wish I was able to do. At least I can living Comfortable for a while and I did not think about sad things. So who is going to, I’ll get mad:(

Too Upset

October 9, 2009

I am not worry about what happened, however, it was very bitter … I’m upset that this process will not be in true way anymore. And I must say, this crisis pushed my life in a way that is not predictable.
I am not able to make an effective decision for my future. This is something that will hurt me.

Unfortunately, I should say: I was the main culprit. I had wrong in my calculations.

Is disappointed

October 9, 2009

Broken

October 8, 2009

It was broken long times ago,and recently cracked up completely. And now it is smash…

Forgiveness

October 8, 2009
How is difficult the donate of some people.

Especially those who you do not expect that suffer you,

But they suffer you, again and again…
they Repeatedly inject pain in your soul
and you forget again and again…